The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
