When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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