She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
