Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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