Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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