she was so not down for the gang bang
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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