So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
