We're facebook friends in real life
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
