The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
