it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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