new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
