so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
