for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
