Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sarcasm needs its own font
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
