I can tuck mytits in my pants
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
