He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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