now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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