If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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