Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
