Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
