well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
