so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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