I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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