i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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