can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
