And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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