so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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