If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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