we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
