I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
