Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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