I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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