I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
