You're so nebulous sometimes
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
