It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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