I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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