My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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