I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
