Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
