Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
