I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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