I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
