belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
