I'd wear matching sweaters with you
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
