I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
