So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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