My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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