Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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