At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My life is pants optional.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
