my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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