You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
