Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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