Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
