420 ftw
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
