Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
