I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
