Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
