Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize