between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
