All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
