Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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