just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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