just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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