xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
