i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
