I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
