I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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