my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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