I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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