You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
