Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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