my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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