Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
