maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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